Relationships &I # Fights

Bollywood is full of stories of breakups and public fights between couples. But there are many examples where things turned really bad and now those couples even avoid looking at each other. Salman khan and Aishwarya Rai were the best onscreen pair and they were sensational together as a real life couple, but things soon turned ugly. It is well known that since then both the superstars avoid even looking at each other. And now the funny school-kid fight between Kangana Ranaut and Hrithik Roshan. But we have also seen cases where relationship fights ended up in a disaster, even leading to suicides. Jiah Khan was a young, charming and very talented actress who created a stir in Bollywood with her entry in “Nishabd” starring opposite Amitabh Bachchan. Before anyone could even understand, Jiah committed suicide after an abusive relationship with Sooraj Pancholi. The letter she wrote to Sooraj was released by her mother later revealed how sad and depressed Jiah was. Here is a extract from her letter which clearly shows the degree of her depression.

“All you want in life is partying, your women and your selfish motives. All I wanted was you and my happiness you took both away from me. I spent money on you selflessly you would throw in my face. When I would cry for you. I have nothing left in this world to live for after this. I wish you had loved me like I loved you. I dreamt of our future. I dreamt of our success. I leave this place with nothing but broken dreams and empty promises. All I want now is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I am nothing. I had everything. I felt so alone even while with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more than this."

We were still not over of it and came the suicide news of TV super star Pratyusha Banerjee. Though the matter is still under investigation but everyone is talking about her abusive relationship with her boyfriend. In her last frantic phone call to her boyfriend, she accused him for cheating her and blamed him for problems with her parents.

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However big our problems are but are those even greater than our lives? Aren`t all relationships filled with fights and teasing? Aren’t they fun? Don’t they define you? Even the most uptight person gets perplexed when the other half goes haywire. Fights within a relationship become an important factor in determining the health of your relationship. Everyone has a type! We all know that. For some, mere confrontation is good enough, for others it is only done after they have had a WWF session with the partner in front of a cheering audience. Then there are some who just love to fire bombs when the time is right. It’s all good till one of you is not thrown out of the house like a forlorn pup. Let’s begin shall we? Let us try to throw all the passion and aggression in the right direction *wink*. Let us try to sign a peace treaty with the better or worse half of our lives.

Don’t Fear the unknown. 

We all think that it is best to avoid a direct fight with our loved one but it might be good once in a while to vent out complete anguish, articulate all that we have to say and to get it out of our system before it accumulate like a toxin with the system. We need a detox!

Do you fear abandonment? Do you choose to not reveal what you actually think because you would be undesirable to the partner? If there is fear of abandonment then it is best to work around the exact extent of that fear. Regular conversations with the loved can be re-assuring and will make you feel a part of his or her life. There would be times when you would want to throttle the person droning in front of you but patience is the key. Wars have been avoided because some were good listeners and others were fought due to lack of patience.

Speak up!

A partner who is deeply devoted to another is not a part time God. He / she cannot know your hidden cravings for chocolates, date nights, togetherness and that occasional cuddle. Speak up for god’s sake! Remember that your desires and needs have to be clearly expressed. Don’t just brood over them and wait for the other to solve the puzzle. Surprises are exciting but they have a way of getting predictable the older the relationship. We have better issues to fight for.

 Get rid of those ridiculous expectations.

We need to work on those oft quoted stereotypes. Even the most devoted partner will obviously fail at times to enjoy all that you enjoy. In a relationship a partner always seeks to enjoy the interest of another but we aren’t Siamese twins joined at the hip. We all deserve some time to ourselves, be it couching around the house, binging on the prohibited/banned food, being a sloth or just brooding on the toilet seat. How would you feel if someone takes away these moments of pure indulgences? Weren’t you attracted to him/her for their complete polarity compared to your own behavior?

He will not accompany you everywhere like your dad because you are not his precious child. She will never cook or caress you like your mother because your mother cannot be replaced. Both partners in a relationship deserve one another, instead of trying to erase the partner’s difference in behavior celebrate it and try to take a peek into each other’s world occasionally for a change in taste. It’s like going for a different cuisine, it’s experimental and damn good fun. You don’t have to go to places to perk up your life. Just try it!

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Let’s go to the next big aspect of fights. What happens after you have had a fight? Do you ignore each other? Who should apologize first? Do you then make it a fight about your ego? Boys shame on you! Girls way to go! But wait, what if you step on someone’s feet while jogging in the park or break the queue at starbucks? Do you wait for the other to apologize for your faults? Why do that to the one you love? Move away from the stereotypes people, men cannot be wrong at everything and women cannot be the first to apologize every time. The verdict’s out, we believe in equality of genders, so it is time you own up to your actions or words.

Remember, fights are good only when they spice things up and rekindle your passion. Else you are just a woodpecker with a weak beak and a tough bark in front of you!

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